Announcing Our Series Zero

Today we are thrilled to announce a milestone in our fundraising journey: we have officially closed our Series Zero round. The round is oversubscribed, underfunded, and entirely imaginary. We raised exactly $0.

Before you ask, yes, this post is satire. We are celebrating the art of shipping before fundraising, building before buzz, and staying wildly allergic to the phrase "soft circled."

Highlights of the round

• Lead investor: our checking account
• Participation: founder sweat, caffeinated optimism, and a suspiciously generous free trial
• Valuation: priceless and also $0
• Board seats: zero, which is the exact number of board meetings we want

"The best cap table is the one with no other names on it." - someone who just Googled cap table

Investor participation (nonexistent)

We are proud to share that we raised no money from Y Combinator, Benchmark, Sequoia, or Jason Calacanis. We also did not close strategic capital from a stealthy family office, a crypto whale, or your cousin who "knows a guy."

This is the purest form of bootstrapping: zero dilution, zero decks, zero "quick follow-up questions."

Use of funds

With $0 in fresh capital, we are allocating proceeds with discipline:

1. Server costs covered by the ancient rite of "personal credit card"
2. Design budget invested in slightly better icons
3. Growth spend allocated to one tweet and a prayer
4. Emergency runway extended by deleting unused npm packages

Cap table update

Founders: 100%
Investors: 0%
Option pool: 0% (under negotiation with our future selves)
Fully diluted: not even a little

FAQ

Is this a real financing round?
No. It is a real blog post about an unreal round.

Why announce it?
Because the product is real, the work is real, and so are the laughs. Also, we needed a blog post to demo the feature.

Should I call my lawyer?
Only if they are also your cofounder and you are arguing about Slack channel names.

If you want the non-satire version, it is simple: we are focused on building rithm, shipping fast, and helping teams move work forward. If that sounds useful, download rithm for free.